You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
