i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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