do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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