saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
