Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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