And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
