So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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