nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
