Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
