Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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