You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
