I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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