Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
