I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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