I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
