Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Randomize
