I'm so fucking centered right now
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
