There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
