Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He better not be in your backpack
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
