I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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