last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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