i already hear my dad disowning me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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