turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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