Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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