Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish I only lived at night.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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