i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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