I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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