my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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