she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
