sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
