Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
