OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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