You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
