I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
