we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
