You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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