Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
