woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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