Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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