I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
