when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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