I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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