how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh god it's open bar.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
