He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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