uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
