I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
