she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
