that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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