Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
