All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
