you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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