...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
