Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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